"He's really out there..."

What does it take to become a proud father? Some have told me it's a healthy baby. Some have told me it's a happy baby. I learned quickly just how wrong they could be. It's often the slightest phrase from a stranger that does it...

But I digress. So we're thirty-two weeks deep, and little mama is growing faster than Michael Phelps can find a lighter. However, I must admit she's the most adorable thing on the market (see previous post). Yes, she's been drugged for seven years to stick with me, but I've never once drawn a mustache on her face while she slept. In other words, we're as tight as Steve Perry wailing in Separate Ways...and that's tight.

When you first discover that your 2008 Family Beach Trip just helped grow the tree, only one thing crosses your mind: Are we having a Bubba or a Bubbette. For me, this broke the next 20 years into two distinct brackets:

1. Camping trips; smoking cigars; muddy trucks; the first cold beer during a ballgame; shooting guns, and a bachelor party where dad goes clubbing with the kids, shoots tequila until he stumbles, and hears too many of his son's previous misdemeanors...all while wearing a rocking sweater-vest (There's your shout-out pops!)

or...

2. Fending off hormoned-crazed suitors, like myself, until eventually paying for a wedding anyway.

For me, it was a no-brainer. As the twenty-week ultrasound approached, this dad-to-be was sweating out the moment worse than an elimination on Flavor of Love. Indeed, I was ready for the docs to get me as excited as the day Santa brought home the Power Glove...and yes, it's sooo baaad.

PS - Have you ever seen the ultrasound machine?...complete with keyboard, trackball, and TV screen. Tell me it's not some futurisic form of Golden Tee.

So the minute came, and the magic-wand slowly rolled across my wife's belly. Then, as the clock skidded, the skies parted, and all breath stopped, the tech spoke...

And that's the moment where dad brimmed with pride.

"Wow! He's really out there!"

Until next time,

Bret Michaels and the Rock of Baby Bus